Joke (9) - Marriage

Joke (8) - Nice quotes

Long back,

a person who sacrificed his sleep,

forgot his family,

forgot his food,

forgot laughter were called

"Saints"

But now they are called..

"IT professionals"



An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:

"If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"




Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present..

Its just that,
One loves too much,

and

The other loves too many,





Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!






What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new

and

Just few hours left for your exams..!







Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask more questions that a wise man cannot answer"

No wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!







Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper: Oh sure! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved."

Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!








After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: "WE do
have an opening for you..!

Applicant: What is it?

Interviewer: It's called the "door..!"







A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee...

...... Leave them to us

WORK (6) - Meeting

WORK (5) - Performance

WORK (4) - Productivity

WORK (3) - Project Management

WORK (2) - Shit

WORK (1) - 100%

Joke (7) - Three Answers Most Dreaded By Men

Whatever
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday eat Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... then I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrho ea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? Long time we havn't watch a movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we go bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such hot day? You not feel tired meh?
Men: Then find a café and have a drink
Women: Drinking coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything

You decide
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take a bus
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take taxi then
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: How to walk with empty stomach?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator: the Tongue

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue


I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!

STROKE:Remember the 1st Three Letters....S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word.
I agree.

If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.
Seriously..

Please read:

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned u p and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening

Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 PM Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(I.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: A nother 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I have done my part. Will you?

Joke (6) - S.O.B

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Joke (6) - Christmas Present

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Joke (5) - Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Joke (4) - F in Sex

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

意生理警讯 (6) - 生理时钟

身体都有生理时钟，不同时间有不同工作，应该配合生理时钟，才能有健康身体哦！　

午夜 12:00 ~ 1:00
浅眠期
多梦而敏感，身体不适者易在此时痛醒。

凌晨 1:00 ~ 2:00
排毒期
此时肝脏为排除毒素而活动旺盛， 应让身体进入睡眠状态，让肝脏得以完成代谢废物。

凌晨 3:00 ~ 4:00
休眠期
重症病人最易发病的时刻，常有患病者在此时死亡， 熬夜最好勿超过这个时间。

上午 9:00 ~ 11:00
精华期
此时为注意力及记忆力最好，且工作与学习的最佳时段。

中午 12:00 ~ 1:00
午休期
最好静坐或闭目休息一下再进餐，正午不可饮酒，易醉又伤肝哦！

下午 2:00 ~ 3:00
高峰期
是分析力和创造力得以发挥淋漓的极致时段！

下午 4:00 ~ 5:00
低潮期
体力耗弱的阶段，最好补充水果来解馋，避免因饥饿而贪食致肥胖。

下午 5:00 ~ 6:00
松散期
此时血糖略增，嗅觉与味觉最敏感，不妨准备晚膳来提振精神。

晚上 7:00 ~ 8:00
暂憩期
最好能在饭后 30 分钟去散个步或沐浴，放松一下，纾解一日的疲倦困顿。

晚上 8:00 ~ 10:00
夜修期
此为晚上活动的巅峰时段，建议您善用此时进行商议，进修等　要思虑周密的活动。

晚上 11:00 ~ 12:00
夜眠期
过整日忙碌，此时应该放松心情进入梦乡，千万别让身体过度负荷，那可得不偿失哦！

意生理警讯 (5) - 排便

　　 许多人排出的大便有强烈的臭味，其实如果吃多了肉类、便秘时、肠胃道老化都会有此现象。你可以从排泄物观察出自己的健康情况哦！

份量
每次以两三条为适量。

形状
直径两三公分的条状为佳，过软或呈颗粒状则表示肠子有老化状况。

气味
正常者应没有强烈的味道，若有 □ 臭味、焦臭味、腐 败味，则是有肠老化现象。

颜色
黄色为正常，颜色愈深表示肠老化状态愈严重。

硬度
排便时若无压迫感或泻肚子状态则为正常。

意生理警讯 (4) - 嘴唇

健康的唇色是粉红色的，如果唇色不正常，可能是健康状况不好哦！

唇色苍白
若指甲、眼睑也苍白，可能有贫血。

唇色青紫
若非因为气温过于寒冷，有可能是有贫血、心脏方面问题。

唇色黄
若脸色、眼白一样呈黄色，可能是肝功能不好。

唇色红紫
若非发烧或一氧化碳中毒，就可能有心脏病、肺病、心脏衰弱等问题。